BABYSITTING THE WOOLEYBURGER By Steven Acevedo
It was the big Homecoming Weekend at Bruce's old college and he decided to volunteer his services for the day to set up for the shindig. Before he left though he decided to make some minor adjustments to a broken toaster he had in his kitchen. He took the item with him to the garage looking for a screwdriver.
While Bruce was in the garage trying to repair the toaster Gary Stevens walked in.
"Wow! Gary Stevens, I remember you from the days of WMCA. What can I do you for?" he asked smiling.
"Gonna be away for a day and need someone to take care of - him," Gary said pointing to a huge bigfoot creature standing next to him. "But watch out, Wooley here can be a handful."
"You can count on me, Gary," Bruce said.
With that, Gary left for his trip.
"How hard can it be to take care of this guy? He looks so cute and all. Aren't ya, you widdle rascal you?"
"RAAAAAAHHH!!!!" The Wooleyburger yelled loudly. So loud in fact he shook half the neighborhood. Everyone ran in a panic screaming for their lives thinking it was an Earthquake. Bruce fell on the ground where Wooley stood. Getting up he was shocked to see the behemoth eating something metal. First the toaster he was fixing and then his wheels.
"AAAAAAAH!!!! MY CAR!!!!"
"Doesn't your master ever feed you at home?" he asked. Wooley just feigned an innocent look as he finished off the steering wheel from Bruce's now eaten automobile.
"Great! Now how am I going to get into town? I'm suppose to be at The Homecoming Weekend picnic grounds in half an hour."
Wooley wasn't without intelligence and immediately ran out into the street and saw a transportation bus coming up the road. "RAAAAAAHHHH!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. The driver slammed on his breaks and just sat in the driver's seat quivering in fright.
"Well, That's one way to get a bus," Bruce grumbled. "RAAAAAAHHHH!" Wooly bellowed.
"No. I don't want to know how you got a yacht to stop for Gary," he said annoyed to the beast. He wasn't surprised that he could actually understand the Wooleyburger. He had heard Gary do it often enough on his own show.
This was going to be an interesting afternoon.
Forty minutes later, Bruce was setting up the picnic food and placing all the paper plates and plastic spoons, forks, knives and cups on each side of the massive long table in front of him. The sun was out and not a cloud in the sky could be seen for miles around. It was going to be a great get together with him and his old buddies.
Looking at the Wooleyburger staring into a pond on the opposite side of the picnic table. He came up to the creature who was trying to grab some fish swimming in the water with his huge claws.
"OK.This is how it's going to be. You stay out of our picnic food and don't get into trouble while we're here," Bruce said firmly. Wooley gave him the high sign and went back to catching the fish. An hour later Wooley grew tired of fishing and decided to wander around a bit on the park grounds.
Just as he was about to take off he found he couldn't move an inch. As an extra measure Bruce had chained his right leg to a tree trunk as if he was a dog. Peeved by this outrage he snapped the chain from the roof of the bark and began walking off with the tree in tow.
"Hey, Bruce. Look!!!" someone in his group shouted.
Bruce turned white as a ghost.
Then a cop unfortunately was on his beat at that moment and saw The Wooleyburger with the chained tree on his leg.
"Hey, you! Stop right there!" he shouted.
Wooley tore out of the park like a shot and began running. All the while the tree was scraping the pavement of the sidewalks all over the park grounds. The policeman was still chasing him. Picnickers screamed as food and tables were tossed everywhere. Wooley flattened a campfire that two kids were roasting marshmallows over, a couple getting ready to cuddle were both thrown into the water fountain as he whizzed by and a hot dog vendor's cart was knocked over to the sound of the vendor's loud obscenities afterwards.
Bruce just stood there with his hand in his forehead shaking his head sideways and groaned again.
"Gary's gonna kill me. I might even get sued for damages," he thought. He had no choice to grab the brute before the fuzz would.
Wooley was exhausted from all the running around and took a long breather in an alley. He was promptly yanked between two buildings. He was about to scream when he saw it was Bruce behind him.
"Shhh! Put this on!" he said with a worried look on his face. Wooley did as he said as Bruce unlocked the chain from the tree he was attached to.
The cop was still searching for Wooley as he went down the alley they were in. He didn't notice that Bruce was pushing a very big baby carriage until the very last minute.
"HEY, YOU!" The cop shouted. Bruce just winced.
"D'Oh! Busted!" he thought.
"Have you seen a big bear-like creature tearing up the park around here?" the cop asked.
"Ah. No! Just pushing my son here in his carriage."
"Oh. I...see! Hmmm."
"Don't let him look in the carriage, don't let him look in the carriage, please oh please, Don't let him look in the carriage," Bruce said whispering to any deity who would hear him.
"You have a cute baby here, mister," the officer said as he was tickling "Baby Wooley".
Wooley hated being treated like a kid in baby clothes and bit the cop's finger in disgust.
"YEOWTCH!!!" His finger throbbed like a big balloon.
"Naughty, Wool...er...Chester! Bad boy! No supper for you tonight," Bruce said firmly to the "baby".
The police officer wasn't concerned about anything but his finger at the moment which gave Bruce and The Wooleyburger time to get away. The officer looked up and saw the tree resting between the alley and then it hit him.
"The jig's up, Wooley. Run like the wind," Bruce said in a panicky voice. Wooley jumped out of the baby carriage and picked up Bruce in his right paw and carried him out of the park.
Meanwhile a mile away a bank robbery was in progress. The crooks were about to make a clean break when they bumped into Wooley who was still carrying Bruce. The impact of their bumping into each other sounded like bowling pins falling after a perfect strike. All parties were dazed on the sidewalk.
"Thank you. miss. I had a lovely evening," Bruce said in a confused state.
Shaking himself out of his delusion he saw the cop and the robbers and Wooley who had tied them up between two street lights.
"Officer. I can explain everything,'" he said nervously.
"You don't have to. These two have been wanted by the cops since 1990," the policeman. "There was a big reward out for them." Bruce was pretty pleased to hear that news.
"Which will go towards rebuilding the park your son destroyed."
Bruce let a resignated moan of defeat. This had been the most humiliating day of his life.
Bruce was worn out from the catastrophic day with The Wooleyburger. On the way home Wooley let out another growl and Bruce just looked at him still wearing his baby clothes.
"NO! I will NOT change you!"